oh kawanku

to my beloved friend,

hope you don't mind me blogging on u.

sorry to hear that ur bf broke up with u in the wee hours.

glad to hear that u both reconcilled 2 hours later.

the arguing is constant. it taxes u. it factors u to jump to conclusion. a tear or two would probably drop along the way.

to my beloved friend,

i'm glad u didn't succumb to the alternative.

u r not in a love-hate relationship as u would likely to believe in one.

u fought ur way through. u made the effort. heck, u believed in the constituency ans sanctity of marriage when u met the knight.

to my beloved friend,

i'm proud of u.

A.

are we human?

if u feel like having an ice-cream, visit your nearest Shell kiosk and grab a Cornetto.

if u feel like having a cigarette, light one.

if u feel like having sex, but your partner ain't present, improvise then.

if u feel like honking the car before u, do so.

if u feel like swimming with the sharks, get insured.

if u feel like quitting ur job, quit?

if only ..

player

this what happens when you are all alone. not in a relationship, always someone's plus one, constantly someone's booty call / last resort, u tend to think. alot. and you tend to question. alot. questioning again ...

last week, despite of my time and days at work, i managed to squeeze a minute or two to question .. why are you still alone?

as always, i attempted to answer.

have u realized, most of the most sharp-tongued and smartest pundits was neither a football player, nor an owner of a football club? have u realized, andre von talle and anna wintour who embraces waffer thin and voluptious models look neither the part, nor wishes to become one. have u realized malaysia's most renowned political analyst was never a politician.

then i realized, these are just a bunch of observers. they never act on their passion. am i only a judge? is there an unspoken rule out there which states, those who judge shall not play?

not to boast (maybe a bit lah), friends come to me for advice. relationship advice. i was never in a relationship that lasted longer than Nizar's reign as the Perak MB. but why do people come to me for something which i am myself is neither vague or foreign to? friendship wise? or was i really that good on the aforesaid? (question lagi)

then it hits me. what me, the football pundits, the fashion editors and political analyst have in common ... we are scared to play, due to the judgment part. Just imagine, a pious Father who preaches on bible, slipped an act as oppose to his last week's sermon. A gymnast coach who couldn't perform a decent 9.0 on the monkey bar. Again, we are scared to be judged. Judged by a bunch of pros, which could either make us or break us. As we know we are only all talk and pause on the walking.

But one thing that i respect these individuals, alt least they picked a side. Confirmed on their righteous role.

here's a confession i have to make, i am scared. observing others is one thing, but ticking their good and bad in their relationship on a piece of white paper, made me realise how sad i can be. fucking sad.




...



ladies and gents, i'm training myself to play.

A.

to god, i thank u

it finally paid off.

22 months of laboring, breaking down, eating shits, swimming in shits, cursing and much laboring, i have stoop to another level.

alhamdulillah.

and now to more of the aforesaid.