Joni Mitchell, you got me

to be exact, eidl'fitri or hari raya is 21 days mere away from today. no lemangs, no ketupats, no ayam masak merah and worst of all, no ang paus from uncles and aunties who still think that u r their 8 year old nephew. the fact is, i am 21 and i do know how to cross the road by myself. look left, right, left again.. then go nuts. haha.

i regard hari raya as a celebration. people forgiving one another. joy written on their face and children dressing up, with "i want ang pau" written instead. my brother crying over my mum's shoulder, my sister being the Manager of Khalid's Kitchen Department, making everything goes smooth, making sure that the right kuehs get filled up in the right jars and yours truly, me, getting lectured for not filling up the drinks for the guests (yeah yeah whatever man).

every raya, me and my brother would be alarmed by dad to attend the annual morning raya prayers at the mosque. my sister would wake up around 8-ish and oftenly gets the "Busta Rhyme" from mum. Sometimes, it's just the mild " Jay Z"... and u don't want a "Mystikal" from my much adored mother. Haha. Once we reach backhome, dad and mum would start apologizing to one another or what me and my sister would call it the Cerekarama session (it is similar to when Oprah stars in a Hallmark movie).

and then.. it's our turn to co-star the show. my brother would obviously starts first, as he is the eldest, their first born (yeah yeah whatever man). my sister seconds the line. she would be having a piece or two of Kleenex in her tailor made baju kurung's pocket, and last but not least in the line, moi. i would be kissing their cheeks, holding their hands with my forehead touches slightly onto their hands, bending on both knees, whilst asking for forgiveness from them. it's a classic, mum and dad would tell me this, and would never try to change their scripts/ dialogues when it comes to me over the years.

"Ini nakal ni. Promise me that u'll be good ok. Promise, alright?", mama

"Jangan nakal nakal sangat. Don't go out at night too often. Promise me, alright?", baba

of course i'd be giggling. i would laugh beforehand, and i would pull my infamous Puss-In-Boots expression. do take notice i am their manja child. the infamous kerengga or red ant who bites anything visibile to his sight when he was 5. another unwritten line in my script that never changes on the first day of hari raya. score! Baba would then hand me a packet of ang pau from his pocket. 100 bucks, every year. double score! well done father, well done.

ouhya, and then my siblings would then start hugging, kissing one another asking for the same thing that distinguishes hari raya from other celebrations; forgiveness. an easy task but hard to act upon. we would end up giggling at the end. haha.

then comes the feasting. i'd be eating like there's no tomorrow. glutton me. don't judge me alright, i have to fill up drinks for the guests and victimised in answering the usuals which is part of their raya script, "where are you studying now?.. where's your girlfriend?.. why did you take advertising? ... i thought u took pure science in high school?" ... bla bla bla ya ya ya ra ra ... u get the picture. and the best thing, i just met these people a week ago at a breaking fast gathering at a relative's. quite synonymus on hari raya, mum and dad would be entertaining the guests, while looking at me shamelessly, having a go on my ketupats and rendang. my relatives on the other hand, would be catching Siti Nurhaliza and co. on the TV.

and so yeah, hari raya is all about the good things. all about the familiar routines. funny how i mentioned good things. i forgive you, you forgive me, look at my Guess watch made of Steel, look at my Tag Heuer, look at my thai silk baju melayu and such. fully etiquette euphimistic words and decorum gestures would fill up the hall amongst host/hostess and guests, the kitchen would contain gossips and kids running around with their ever so annoying yet endearing antics.

...

this year is gonna be different, no doubt. i never realized how hari raya does hit me hard. am gonna miss the routine. surely gonna miss the tradition and the usual scripts. am gonna miss my family. i guess, just like what Joni Mitchell used to penned and sang, you don't know what you've got until it's gone.

*Sigh.