mama

Inseparable: Mama (left) & her twin sister ,my Aunty cum Mama Dawn

U beared me for 9 months, attached,

Carrying whilst pursuing life with a burden onto u,

U were counting days to a particular month in '85 to surrender,

A sweet haven surrender that is.

The day came, the anxious air that filled the hall was serened by prayers,

Uncertain faces and self confidence collides at its best,

Prayers were uttered, by the lips of ur loved ones,

Anticipating God to aid u,

Expectations began to rise,

An anxious man, ur husband awaits in the lobby, fidgetting for answers,

He hands it up to God, with prayers recited from his heart still.

The sun was shinning outside, showering buildings, pedestrians and such with ray of hope,

Hope was what u needed,

And hope was given upon u.

U battled for hours with the trusted unfamiliars,

Blood that was essential for u, splattered the floor red,

U screamed from pain, an excruciating one,

All in the name of love and sacrifice,

U sacrificed all those for a person,

Ur love for you 3rd born, moi.

Ur hard panting was the first music that filled my ears,

U reached for my weak yet restless body,

Not wanting me to panic,

U pant heartlessly while holding me close to u,

U held me, wanting to hug me, but i was too fragile for those,

My forehead tickled when ur dry lips touched onto it,

U might have shred a tear or two,

But u were too tired to bother,

And so, u just looked at me, with my umbilical cords still attached to my navel, with love and unspoken joy.

. . .

On the 19th of April '85, she sacrificed her life for me. She didn't ask anything from me following from that very event. Instead, she showered me with more love, alongside of care and trust. I am a rebel and she notes that. I am an emotional and sensitive fool and she notes that too. Her cookings calm my tummy, and her undivided love and attention, calm my sanity. She's an optimistic, scolding me for thinking of the otherwise. Her unbiased love to her children, her infectious laughs, her jokes, her undying faith in God and commitment to her family, distinguishes her from others. She is my best supporter. She supported me when i was representing school in sports, in both primary and high. She supported me in pursuing a career in Advertising, regardless of what other conservative thinking elderliness thought Advertising, as a "cheap, no future and unworthy" course. Off she shrugs those fools. Cause she trusts me. Trusting me, unfailingly. My friends love her. They love her antics. Once (or countless times) i was told me that i have the coolest, cutest and funniest mum. Compliment goes to u madam.

Whenever i raised my voice to her, by looking at her facial expression with dissapointment, would just frail me to pieces, yet my heart frails furthermore for shredding the heart of hers. I too would be dissapointed of myself. She would wake up 3 am in the morning to entertain my spoilt need for a mug of Milo. Before i reached the age of puberty, she would lullaby a Thai folk song called "Lai lai Kratong", when the silence of my room weren't able to drift me off to La La Land. She would fetch me from school when i was sick at 10 am, knowing that she just reached her workplace. My sister told me that she couldn't sleep peacefully at night for the first three months when i first arrived in OZ. The thought mutes and pauses my ego. And she does all that, and going through all those, for one difficult and spoilt son of hers. Just like an angel, patiently serving her halo-less child.

And so, i dedicate this entry to my much adored mother, Mrs Zahrah Salleh, who never fails to turndown my request (especially when it comes to food), and for always believing in me. She taught me to never give up in urself and always have faith in the Almighty Allah, cause God helps those who has faith in Him.

And so mama, this eidl'fitri is gonna be different, no doubt. U may have had ur share of me on my moody days, yet u love me still. I would like to apologize for my countless wrongdoings, for having to crash ur Honda, for having u and baba called to the school office, for coming back late at night and of course, for rebelling ur needs and words. Am not any lesser of any two evils, and u note that. But u stand tough next to me still. U leave me speechless, cause no words can ever describe u.

. . .

Selamat hari raya mama. Adik sayang mama.

Tipintit pintit*

*My mum's favourite and most used word, invented by her, of course.